JCW’s pocket guide to the Apocalypse

Posted on May 18, 2011

7


Dark humor ahead-

For familyradio.com listeners , the world ends at 6PM May 21, 2011 in an apocalyptic earthquake. Most other prophecies indicate that the world ends on December 21, 2012. Just in case the real apocalypse will commence in 72 hours instead of 582 days, Judicial Council Watcher brings you this handy judicial branch pocket guide to the end of the world.

1. Good news! Most of the legal profession is predicted survive the rapture.

2. Nothing matters anymore. Were you afraid to take that kickback? Afraid to write yourself a million dollar check on the company account? Afraid to toss the litigant you don’t like under the bus? Afraid to tell that judge you never liked to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine? Afraid to knock over a bank? Afraid to siphon off your clients funds? Did you ever contemplate how you just might be able to get away with murder? Afraid to grope that hot administrative assistant in front of her coworkers? If you believe the world is going to end in 72 hours you can do whatever the hell you want because it doesn’t matter anymore. Who is going to hold you accountable? Who is going to be around to sue, arrest or imprison you?

3. The more people who believe that the world will end in 72 hours is directly proportional to the ensuing anarchy resulting therein. Batten down the hatches and load up the assault rifle. If you live in California kiss your ass goodbye because while wristrockets, the bow and arrow and crossbows are still legal and it will be the criminals that know where you live that will have the assault rifles. 

4. Promise away to your hearts content. It isn’t your fault the world ended before you could fulfill your promise.

5. You have an obligation to your profession to survive the calamity following rapture. Stock up on food, water, emergency supplies and enough oxygen to last for 5 years. While scientific evidence shows that the globe has been engulfed in a terraforming global fireball six times in its history, life survived to rebuild each time.

Any other suggestions to JCW’s pocket guide to the apocalypse are welcome and encouraged.

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