Welcome to the end of the world. Well….. most of you. Billions of you disappeared in the rapture last night when the clock struck midnight so getting to work should be a whole lot easier today. The rest of us will die when the earths magnetic poles flip and the magnetosphere collapses and we’re all bombarded by gamma ray radiation from the sun.
In other news, four horsemen riding white, red, black and pale horses were seen riding down 101 just leaving San Jose and headed south towards L.A. Traffic might be a little slow as emergency crews clear the debris caused by the conquest, war, famine and death they’re leaving in their wake.
USGS reports they’re now able to predict earthquakes with 100% certainty and that the pacific ring of fire is incredibly active. They predict that by rush hour this evening, one massive quake will separate everything within the ring from the rest of the earth and California will break off at the borders and become its own island.
Towards the end of the rush hour the caldera complexes of Yellowstone, Long Valley California, Toba in Indonesia and Tupao in New Zealand will all simultaneously erupt, covering the world in 10 meters of ash, so please allow extra time for your evening commute and plan accordingly. By 8PM pacific tonight, mega tsunamis with wave heights of over 600 feet will be wiping out the eastern seaboard.
Thanks to The OBT and Delilia, we received the enclosed puff piece of change that never happened from director Steven Jahr and CJ Cantil-Sakauye. In case you haven’t heard, stunning accomplishments have been made in the past year. Next year will be yet another challenge to look forward to.
In the event that some of this or none of this happens to be true, don’t blame us. Blame the book of revelations, Nostradamous and the Myans. It wasn’t us that made these predictions. But it is us that is wishing you and yours a merry christmas in the event that none of this transpires.
- How to Survive a Real Apocalypse… (jkstories.com)
- Long Valley Caldera about to Blow? (globalrumblings.blogspot.com)
- Demystifying The Myan Calendar & The End of The World (rachellivefree.wordpress.com)
- USGS: 2 quakes hit near California coast (kshb.com)
- Upswing in earthquakes in the Long Valley caldera region of California (readyforanythingstore.net)
- 15 Signs That The Ring Of Fire Is Waking Up As We Head Into 2013 (endoftheamericandream.com)
- Less than 24 hours left on Earth… how about Rapture Insurance? (pinnaclelife.co.nz)
- ‘Rapture’ Likely To Occur By 2021, Claims World Bible Society President (eurasiareview.com)